Finally gardening! We all late so we'll see what happens😬
I've wanted to do this with my kids for a couple years now - we've had the seeds and everything. Through our past adoption processes I pretty much stayed still moving in the things that were immediate just to get through but I realized that while I was standing still, time was not stopping. I could sit and wait until the entire process was over to actually live and enjoy full freedom or I can create a space in the valley for us to enjoy as we walk through and out to true freedom.
My children were still growing while I stood still. The Christmas trees that I cut out for them to each decorate their own sitting there for three years - three Christmases and the family has now more than doubled. Now my children are three years older and they're still there in the corner. The truth is we started out with three Christmas trees and one was for a child that ended up not staying with us and I was very heartbroken over that so a protective mechanism kicked in that until I have those papers I will not relax but then does that mean that I don't trust what He said? He had never told me that one child was mine or that her being here was actually preparation for the child He had for us that without my experience with her, I would have never considered the one we have now. I still felt betrayed. 'Why didn't you just tell me what you were doing?' But if He had told me any of how this would play out and all I would have to go through, I wouldn't have any of my children. What if He had told Mary that the miracle baby - the Savior would die a horrible death...that she would stand and witness.
Have you ever felt that if you spoke something God would do it but instead of saying yes do it, it actually makes you stop and think. And what I thought was she is with a family that fought to get her with pure intentions. I could see she was loved and cared for and they were good people of character. I know my purpose is for children that have no one. If I asked for her it will be purely self serving - she won't remember us, my kids don't remember her any more. It will be ripping her away from what she knows and is bonded to and causing trauma - the opposite of why I'm here. I was internally stepping away, putting down my outstretched hands, letting my heart break. All I said was if You intend for her to be here I want her but if not leave her where she is. I became like David and accepted what was, brushed myself off, changed direction and moved toward next.
Sometimes we try to shield ourselves from the pain of disappointment and heartbreak and it keeps us frozen. I was once in a thunder storm driving with my kids and I. Hate. Lightning. I wanted to stop under an underpass and wait it out but I continued through my fear because I had to get my kids home. Then we got home and needed to get out of the car and my fence is metal. I remember going back and forth running them into the house as quickly as possible thinking well if lightning strikes I'm taller than them so it'll hit me and not them. I felt so relieved once we got into the house. The storm didn't stop for a while. I could have stopped and try to wait it out with my children uncomfortable in the car to avoid what may happen or I can trust God to cover us as I got my children home inside where they would be comfortable and feel safe and that became more important.
So, don't reside in the valley but you can choose to dance on through knowing that as you walk the chains are falling and there are greater things waiting on the other side.