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I Choose to Trust...Me

When you tell you kiddo that her skin is beautiful like dark chocolate - you are a beautiful African queen! - and when she looks away you're like ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿฅถ to then go back to ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ when she looks back at you. She's only two but she knew her skin wasn't right. This thing nearly kicked my butt but now ๐Ÿฅณ finally her skin is under control after it pulled a Mr. Jekyl on me when my beloved warm weather started. Sometimes it's hard to keep going especially when you don't see the desired or positive results. It may make you doubt yourself, wonder if you are doing more harm than good especially when, once again, you are going against the grain of the 'norm' while listening to the naysayers echoing what doubt has been trying to tell you (do you think you know more than the professionals? This has been around for how long and you think you have a different answer? There is nothing you can do to fix this. Ha, so you kind of fixed it but look how much you have to do to maintain it.) You have to choose to listen to another voice, another narrative. You may have to shift and adjust - trial and error again and again...and again but every victory even if little gives you fuel to push on for a greater victory. Always remember your why. My why was my daughter knowing that the darkness of her skin carried the beauty and strength of a people of which she should be proud, and giving her the natural tools to help correct and strengthen the areas of weakness that her body was born with - not complain and take the route of victim or anger of 'why' but of strength and getting to the root of the issue and doing the work required, not the easy 'fixes' that are prevalently thrown at you with no thought to the after effects as a blanket to hide versus heal. It, for me, is the life lesson that I focus on teaching all of my kids and she - they all - saw me do the work no matter the cost for the greater good because this is part of my legacy that I want them to run with. Always move forward - even amidst doubt, fear, confusion, the unknown. If God called you to it, He has already equipped you for it. The precious oil from the olive doesn't just pour out while it sits there and a lot of times we are looking for lightning and thunder answers from God but it is through the process that we realize that the answer was already hidden within us. I am the last person to say that the process it great - I hate the process. But God knows what He's doing. I cannot deny that the process even though painful at times, does yield such a glorious result. It builds you up, molds you, shapes you, prepares you, streamlines you closer into the true you that God put into the Earth. My daughter now preens at her skin and runs her hands over her skin in joy and that was worth it all so that she see herself the way I saw her even when it didn't look like it. Isn't that such a parallel to our relationship with God and His view of us versus our view of ourselves? I always wondered why God made me the way He did but there must be something that He placed within these children why they needed a Mom like me to be raised up in the way He needs them to be for such a time as this. So I choose to trust this me that He sees every time He looks at me and I see her more and more every time I look at me.

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