To Abase & Abound

Yesterday was Jaeden’s birthday but we did not celebrate then. A couple of the kiddos were acting up a bit but we’re back on the track to baseline. I’m going to enroll him in the online taekwondo class. There are definitely some things I need to do differently and I know that the completion of this finalization will free up a lot. Patience in the process. I’ve learned to focus on setting the gates for what I need to practice more patience. I’ve realized that the expectations of others can quickly erode that for me so I refuse to take it on and am quick to set it outside my gates. With others’ expectations off my shoulders, along with it goes stress. I’m actually usually not stressed dealing with my kids and their unique quirks and idiosyncrasies, what stresses me is being co-hearsed out of the place in which I need to remain to attend to them. We have to know what our capacity is…and is not at any given moment or season and protect our gates respectfully, but unapologetically. When the atmospheric temperature starts getting too high, I am the thermostat that directs it down when they are unable to. That’s just how it is, that’s just who I am.

The dyer suddenly stopped working yesterday – in the middle of a load. I’m grateful that I’m focusing on completing one load at a time so only one was affected. I was waiting for it so I noticed in a timely matter what happened. It was mostly dresses so no biggie – I just hung them up to finish drying. It was interesting because I had gotten a few sundresses the day prior and was looking forward to taking a shower and putting one on with some perfume – just for myself. I was determined to make it a thing so I kept checking and thus is how I came to the realization that the dryer had a moment. The repair person will me here tomorrow and even though the dryer is over 14 years old I am praying that they can fix it but if not I’ll look at Home Depot for the same model. Lasting over half a decade is awesome and it has definitely served me well – from just me to now a family of 6. I actually was thinking that it’s likely coming to that time so I actually was not surprised – I’d already replaced the washer about 4 years ago and both were about two years old when I purchased the house in 2007. I’d prefer not to spend that kind of money now though – if it can go another year or two then that would be super.

I’ve started back on processing my interviews so that has been good to get back to that, finally. As I’ve said, we’re just going to be quiet for the rest of the year and through next year and I am continuing to get the things established and aligned that I need to for us all. Lawd the process has been slow but it definitely has caused me to focus on slowing down and intentionally prioritize being in the moment, purposefully present. To force my being to be saturated with a different perspective. This may not have been the life I envisioned but this is the life God made me for and I love and trust Him so I will do it. The internal struggle to this life I have been called has abased a lot and it is now easier to focus on changing the landscape of my mindset and perspective which will, in turn, change my pallet to full acceptance and enjoyment to this different thing that God has done.


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